The New Season of "Lost" Kicks Off Monday!

No, I'm not crazy. Seriously, the world gets new Lost Monday. How you may ask? Seriously....ask how. I'm waiting.....
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Well, I'll tell you how! Every Monday a new "Webisode" will be available through ABC.com that are known as "Missing Pieces." First one is all about the whiney (or winey) Jack. At least something new will be coming out amidst the strike. Check them out here.

Better Know a D Bag: The F-ing D Bag

Note: Better Know a D Bag gives you an inside look of the world of D Bags. Stories focus on how to identify them and tips to overcome their D Bag ways.

You know this D Bag well. Every other word is a curse word. It’s like their vocabulary is limited to only 77 words and phrases, and most of them start with the letters A, D, F and S.

He’s probably wearing glasses and sporting a sports jersey that is at least 10 sizes too big.

But why? Why? Why must you curse so much??? Does it make you feel like a better man? Does it compensate for lost masculinity elsewhere? Does it make daddy happy?

And it doesn’t matter the context, time or place. Those words keep on flying. In a restaurant: F-ing A S, man. At the day care center: get my F-ing child now, A-hole. In church: why the F won’t you answer my prayers, S-head?

I’m not one that minds cursing. In fact, I don’t understand why people make a big deal about language in general. God bless the Brits…they can curse all they want on the BBC. And show some skin too.

But I just don’t get why this guy has to curse so much. It makes no G-D, sense.

You can ask them to tone it down, but genuine D Bags reply with the “I don’t give an F” as a 7-year-old girl cries in the corner because she thinks she just got called a B. Like most D Bags, there’s no reasoning with them. Instead, get a manager or some sort of authority figure to deal with the situation. It avoids direct contact with the D Bag and often provides entertainment in the process. It’s best when you find some one taller and beefier than this D Bag, which shouldn’t be that hard.

Remember, avoid direct contact with D Bags at all cost. The CDC still has not found a cure and exposure could be contagious.

And that’s this edition of Better Know a D Bag.

Things that Make Me Puke a Little in My Mouth, Volume 1

Carson Daly thinks he has a shot at replacing Conan O'Brien when Conan takes over for Leno on The Tonight Show.

Blaaaaaaahhhh.

Things You Need to Know About Lost, Part 5

Why does this man not age? Do you even know who he is?

His name - apparently - is Dr. Richard Alpert. He is the man who recruited Juliet to the island for the front company called "Mittelos Bioscience." His appearance grew among the Others towards the end of Season 3. But his first appearance?? Well, it was when he told a young Ben to go home and be patient. In that almost 30 years, he doesn't appear to age at all.

Which brings us to this new orientation video recently released.

So there's another station out there called "The Orchid." Apparently it has bunnies that shouldn't see each other. Now remember also the bunny Ben "pretended" to kill in front of Sawyer? What does this all mean?

Simple.

Cloning. The Orchid is a major cloning hub on the island. Ben really did kill that bunny, but later had it cloned to replace it. Remember when Patchy was killed by the electric fence and later came back? Recall how Mrs. Clugh didn't really care about dying? That's because they could be cloned and replaced.

The reasons why babies can't be born on the island? Because cloned DNA is what's being replicated and it's not been perfected, so the offspring developing in the clones' bodies cannot fully develop. So the only way the Others can reproduce now is through cloning. So they need new babies and fresh DNA to continue their existence.

Maybe the reason why Dr. Richard Alpert hasn't aged is because he has simply been cloned over time to keep up his age.

And this brings us back to Ben. You know how Ben said he was from the island, but later it was shown he was born in the U.S? Perhaps both are true. Ben was born in the U.S., but his current body was a clone made on the island. So he really was created there, in a way.

So why is Ben afraid of dying? Perhaps you're only allowed a certain number of clones and Ben has had his fill. Or maybe Ben's clone keeps dying of this same development and he's trying to find a way to cure it. Either way, something seems to have gone wrong in The Orchid.

Incidentally, about 800 new orchid species are discovered every year because the orchid cross-pollinates and reproduces so much each year.

To the Batcave

Holy 25th Amendment, Batman. The Pengiun's taken over the White House.

This Woman Used to be My Neighbor

Though I worked in New York City, I lived in a small Jersey village called Kinnelon. While everyone seemed so simple, I recently found out there was so much more going on behind closed doors. Thank you Stephen Colbert for bringing out the truth of this American Difference Maker.

Now why did I never get to meet her???

Emmy Preview, In Review

The Emmy nods were released early this morning, and you can catch the full list here. But if there's one thing we've learned is that I must be an expert on comedic acting, because I was a perfect 10 for 10 in the lead actor and actress in comedy categories. Yeah! Bring on the self-shout-out, 'cause that's about as good as it gets.

As I called it, Heroes got the outstanding drama nod, but with no major acting nods. Though I didn't call Grey's too, I was right about their acting. Only supporting roles got nominations for the ABC Seattle show. Lost got snubbed, but surprisingly Boston Legal got some love. That makes me happy, even thought last season was strong than this year. I went 3 for 5 here, not bad.

I was 3 for 5 too on comedy series. Two and a Half Men stole one away and is the only traditional live audience taped sitcom in the group. Entourage got one too, which like Boston Legal, was stronger in the past. Extras and Weeds got no love here, which is quite disheartening.

Outstanding drama actor boosted up to 4 for 5, with Kiefer Sutherland (last year's winner) getting the last spot even though 24 had a down year. Maybe James Woods can come on strong next year!

I was 4 for 5 again in oustanding drama actress, with Polly Walker getting no love for Rome (I don't think HBO is too upset about this year's crop), but the Academy suprised me and added a sixth nod to this category, so Oscar winners Minnie Driver and Sally Field got some Emmy love.

As for the supporters, Kevin Dillon did get that Emmy love, and Jeremy Piven did too. I was only 2 for 5 on supporting actor in comedy, but I took some risks too. As for supporting actress, the Academy gave 6 nods to screw with me again, but I only hit 1 of those.

Yep, 6 were given out again for supporting actress in a drama, and way too many went to Grey's women. It really should be just Chandra Wilson here. Katherine Heigl was way too whiny this year. I only got 1 here too, but hopefully the 1 that counts!

And, finally, those drama actors?? Surprise, 6! Well, I got 3 of them. I'm happy to see John Locke from Lost get some love here. I was tempted to add him, but wasn't sure if Emmy would head that way. Sadly, T.R. Knight should not be here. I must wonder if it's some sort of consolation prize for his past year. Then we have Heroes only acting nod to Masi Oka, a fan favorite...though I think this is a bit of a stretch.

Now, until September 16 until the little buggers are handed out!