Better Know a D Bag: The F-ing D Bag

Note: Better Know a D Bag gives you an inside look of the world of D Bags. Stories focus on how to identify them and tips to overcome their D Bag ways.

You know this D Bag well. Every other word is a curse word. It’s like their vocabulary is limited to only 77 words and phrases, and most of them start with the letters A, D, F and S.

He’s probably wearing glasses and sporting a sports jersey that is at least 10 sizes too big.

But why? Why? Why must you curse so much??? Does it make you feel like a better man? Does it compensate for lost masculinity elsewhere? Does it make daddy happy?

And it doesn’t matter the context, time or place. Those words keep on flying. In a restaurant: F-ing A S, man. At the day care center: get my F-ing child now, A-hole. In church: why the F won’t you answer my prayers, S-head?

I’m not one that minds cursing. In fact, I don’t understand why people make a big deal about language in general. God bless the Brits…they can curse all they want on the BBC. And show some skin too.

But I just don’t get why this guy has to curse so much. It makes no G-D, sense.

You can ask them to tone it down, but genuine D Bags reply with the “I don’t give an F” as a 7-year-old girl cries in the corner because she thinks she just got called a B. Like most D Bags, there’s no reasoning with them. Instead, get a manager or some sort of authority figure to deal with the situation. It avoids direct contact with the D Bag and often provides entertainment in the process. It’s best when you find some one taller and beefier than this D Bag, which shouldn’t be that hard.

Remember, avoid direct contact with D Bags at all cost. The CDC still has not found a cure and exposure could be contagious.

And that’s this edition of Better Know a D Bag.

Things that Make Me Puke a Little in My Mouth, Volume 1

Carson Daly thinks he has a shot at replacing Conan O'Brien when Conan takes over for Leno on The Tonight Show.

Blaaaaaaahhhh.

Things You Need to Know About Lost, Part 5

Why does this man not age? Do you even know who he is?

His name - apparently - is Dr. Richard Alpert. He is the man who recruited Juliet to the island for the front company called "Mittelos Bioscience." His appearance grew among the Others towards the end of Season 3. But his first appearance?? Well, it was when he told a young Ben to go home and be patient. In that almost 30 years, he doesn't appear to age at all.

Which brings us to this new orientation video recently released.

So there's another station out there called "The Orchid." Apparently it has bunnies that shouldn't see each other. Now remember also the bunny Ben "pretended" to kill in front of Sawyer? What does this all mean?

Simple.

Cloning. The Orchid is a major cloning hub on the island. Ben really did kill that bunny, but later had it cloned to replace it. Remember when Patchy was killed by the electric fence and later came back? Recall how Mrs. Clugh didn't really care about dying? That's because they could be cloned and replaced.

The reasons why babies can't be born on the island? Because cloned DNA is what's being replicated and it's not been perfected, so the offspring developing in the clones' bodies cannot fully develop. So the only way the Others can reproduce now is through cloning. So they need new babies and fresh DNA to continue their existence.

Maybe the reason why Dr. Richard Alpert hasn't aged is because he has simply been cloned over time to keep up his age.

And this brings us back to Ben. You know how Ben said he was from the island, but later it was shown he was born in the U.S? Perhaps both are true. Ben was born in the U.S., but his current body was a clone made on the island. So he really was created there, in a way.

So why is Ben afraid of dying? Perhaps you're only allowed a certain number of clones and Ben has had his fill. Or maybe Ben's clone keeps dying of this same development and he's trying to find a way to cure it. Either way, something seems to have gone wrong in The Orchid.

Incidentally, about 800 new orchid species are discovered every year because the orchid cross-pollinates and reproduces so much each year.