If I Were A Hip Hop Album Released Now...

I'd be called "The Return."

Prepare.

No. 40

RIP PWO

This Is Getting Ridiculous

So I went to Target today to buy some Carmex....you know, for chapped lips. Anyway, as I'm checking out in the Express Lane with my 89 cent tube of Carmex, I grab my receipt and head out when the cashier tells me to wait.

"What?"

"You have a receipt."

"I already have my receipt."

"You get another one."

"Another one?"

She hands me the second one and I'm wondering why Target is printing off two receipts for me. I look at it and it says "Gift Receipt." Now, I'm no wacko tree hugger, but this seems like a total waste of perfectly good trees.

First, who in their right mind would give Carmex as a gift? Second, who would give a gift receipt with said Carmex? Third, who does Target think is actually giving Carmex as a gift?

Seriously.

This is Why I Moved Down South

I hear it's cold elsewhere in the world....

Is It Time For a Liquid Confidence Night?

You know, I haven't had one since I was in college. Now I'm back in college. It almost seems right that they should return. Frankly, I've been having a hankering for one recently anyway.

To harken back to the good ol' days, I busted out my NASCAR mug on Thursday night. I missed the big guy. It was nice to bring him back. I only wish I had my Christmas one here too. Would really brighten up the holiday season.

Am I That Old?

During our Section Feud, I was named one of the most likely to be on a reality tv show. I was too surprised because I've often thought about being on Survivor or something. I just don't get how other people see that in me. What about me screams reality tv show??

It also got me thinking of the true original reality show: The Real World. I am now so old, I am no longer eligible to be a housemate. How wack is that? I never thought I'd be that old. And yet, here I am. What's next after that? There is no more pinnacle of MTV reality, unless somehow I move to L.A. and start dating L.C. Better check out apartments at the Hillside Villas...

When You Think of "Saved By the Bell," What Do You Think Of?

At business school, we are divided into sections. Tonight, to celebrate the last day of classes, we are having a huge party and a competition called Section Feud. Basically, it's just like Family Feud. Each section has a theme, and mine picked Saved By the Bell.

That got me thinking of the good ol' Bell viewing days. Life seemed so much simpler then. And everyone keeps bringing up the Jessie Spano addiction freak out moment. I guess that's the most memorable. Best acting ever. No wonder she landed that stellar Showgirls role.

Incidentally, I'm going as Jeff Hunter tonight. Don't know who that is? Then shame on you. You must have had a terrible childhood.

The New Season of "Lost" Kicks Off Monday!

No, I'm not crazy. Seriously, the world gets new Lost Monday. How you may ask? Seriously....ask how. I'm waiting.....
.....
.....
Well, I'll tell you how! Every Monday a new "Webisode" will be available through ABC.com that are known as "Missing Pieces." First one is all about the whiney (or winey) Jack. At least something new will be coming out amidst the strike. Check them out here.

Better Know a D Bag: The F-ing D Bag

Note: Better Know a D Bag gives you an inside look of the world of D Bags. Stories focus on how to identify them and tips to overcome their D Bag ways.

You know this D Bag well. Every other word is a curse word. It’s like their vocabulary is limited to only 77 words and phrases, and most of them start with the letters A, D, F and S.

He’s probably wearing glasses and sporting a sports jersey that is at least 10 sizes too big.

But why? Why? Why must you curse so much??? Does it make you feel like a better man? Does it compensate for lost masculinity elsewhere? Does it make daddy happy?

And it doesn’t matter the context, time or place. Those words keep on flying. In a restaurant: F-ing A S, man. At the day care center: get my F-ing child now, A-hole. In church: why the F won’t you answer my prayers, S-head?

I’m not one that minds cursing. In fact, I don’t understand why people make a big deal about language in general. God bless the Brits…they can curse all they want on the BBC. And show some skin too.

But I just don’t get why this guy has to curse so much. It makes no G-D, sense.

You can ask them to tone it down, but genuine D Bags reply with the “I don’t give an F” as a 7-year-old girl cries in the corner because she thinks she just got called a B. Like most D Bags, there’s no reasoning with them. Instead, get a manager or some sort of authority figure to deal with the situation. It avoids direct contact with the D Bag and often provides entertainment in the process. It’s best when you find some one taller and beefier than this D Bag, which shouldn’t be that hard.

Remember, avoid direct contact with D Bags at all cost. The CDC still has not found a cure and exposure could be contagious.

And that’s this edition of Better Know a D Bag.

Things that Make Me Puke a Little in My Mouth, Volume 1

Carson Daly thinks he has a shot at replacing Conan O'Brien when Conan takes over for Leno on The Tonight Show.

Blaaaaaaahhhh.

Things You Need to Know About Lost, Part 5

Why does this man not age? Do you even know who he is?

His name - apparently - is Dr. Richard Alpert. He is the man who recruited Juliet to the island for the front company called "Mittelos Bioscience." His appearance grew among the Others towards the end of Season 3. But his first appearance?? Well, it was when he told a young Ben to go home and be patient. In that almost 30 years, he doesn't appear to age at all.

Which brings us to this new orientation video recently released.

So there's another station out there called "The Orchid." Apparently it has bunnies that shouldn't see each other. Now remember also the bunny Ben "pretended" to kill in front of Sawyer? What does this all mean?

Simple.

Cloning. The Orchid is a major cloning hub on the island. Ben really did kill that bunny, but later had it cloned to replace it. Remember when Patchy was killed by the electric fence and later came back? Recall how Mrs. Clugh didn't really care about dying? That's because they could be cloned and replaced.

The reasons why babies can't be born on the island? Because cloned DNA is what's being replicated and it's not been perfected, so the offspring developing in the clones' bodies cannot fully develop. So the only way the Others can reproduce now is through cloning. So they need new babies and fresh DNA to continue their existence.

Maybe the reason why Dr. Richard Alpert hasn't aged is because he has simply been cloned over time to keep up his age.

And this brings us back to Ben. You know how Ben said he was from the island, but later it was shown he was born in the U.S? Perhaps both are true. Ben was born in the U.S., but his current body was a clone made on the island. So he really was created there, in a way.

So why is Ben afraid of dying? Perhaps you're only allowed a certain number of clones and Ben has had his fill. Or maybe Ben's clone keeps dying of this same development and he's trying to find a way to cure it. Either way, something seems to have gone wrong in The Orchid.

Incidentally, about 800 new orchid species are discovered every year because the orchid cross-pollinates and reproduces so much each year.

To the Batcave

Holy 25th Amendment, Batman. The Pengiun's taken over the White House.

This Woman Used to be My Neighbor

Though I worked in New York City, I lived in a small Jersey village called Kinnelon. While everyone seemed so simple, I recently found out there was so much more going on behind closed doors. Thank you Stephen Colbert for bringing out the truth of this American Difference Maker.

Now why did I never get to meet her???

Emmy Preview, In Review

The Emmy nods were released early this morning, and you can catch the full list here. But if there's one thing we've learned is that I must be an expert on comedic acting, because I was a perfect 10 for 10 in the lead actor and actress in comedy categories. Yeah! Bring on the self-shout-out, 'cause that's about as good as it gets.

As I called it, Heroes got the outstanding drama nod, but with no major acting nods. Though I didn't call Grey's too, I was right about their acting. Only supporting roles got nominations for the ABC Seattle show. Lost got snubbed, but surprisingly Boston Legal got some love. That makes me happy, even thought last season was strong than this year. I went 3 for 5 here, not bad.

I was 3 for 5 too on comedy series. Two and a Half Men stole one away and is the only traditional live audience taped sitcom in the group. Entourage got one too, which like Boston Legal, was stronger in the past. Extras and Weeds got no love here, which is quite disheartening.

Outstanding drama actor boosted up to 4 for 5, with Kiefer Sutherland (last year's winner) getting the last spot even though 24 had a down year. Maybe James Woods can come on strong next year!

I was 4 for 5 again in oustanding drama actress, with Polly Walker getting no love for Rome (I don't think HBO is too upset about this year's crop), but the Academy suprised me and added a sixth nod to this category, so Oscar winners Minnie Driver and Sally Field got some Emmy love.

As for the supporters, Kevin Dillon did get that Emmy love, and Jeremy Piven did too. I was only 2 for 5 on supporting actor in comedy, but I took some risks too. As for supporting actress, the Academy gave 6 nods to screw with me again, but I only hit 1 of those.

Yep, 6 were given out again for supporting actress in a drama, and way too many went to Grey's women. It really should be just Chandra Wilson here. Katherine Heigl was way too whiny this year. I only got 1 here too, but hopefully the 1 that counts!

And, finally, those drama actors?? Surprise, 6! Well, I got 3 of them. I'm happy to see John Locke from Lost get some love here. I was tempted to add him, but wasn't sure if Emmy would head that way. Sadly, T.R. Knight should not be here. I must wonder if it's some sort of consolation prize for his past year. Then we have Heroes only acting nod to Masi Oka, a fan favorite...though I think this is a bit of a stretch.

Now, until September 16 until the little buggers are handed out!

Emmy Preview, Part Quatre

And so it has come to this. Much ado about nothing for the big prizes. Who will get all the marbles, whatever those marbles might and whatever they might do with those marbles. Fact is, the best shows usually don't get the award. There are exceptions, of course, but they don't have a track record as good as the Oscars. That's why many consider the Emmy's a joke. Then again, there is so much television now. But excuses I shall not make. To the big board!

Outstanding Comedy Series

Extras
The Office
30 Rock
Weeds
Ugly Betty

Yeah, no Entourage. As much as I love it, it's suffered some as of late. That hurts it chances. And it hasn't gotten the nod before. Extras is new because of the much stronger second series put out by Gervais and company. All in all, lots of newcomers here.

Outstanding Drama Series

Lost
The Sopranos
House
Heroes
Rome

Frankly, that last drama spot was hard to pick. Not that there was tough competition, just that there wasn't much that stood out enough. Heroes gets some recognition here for all around good show. Lost should take it. It's just that great.

Of course, there are plenty of other categories, but those don't really count for much. Not that these do either. Much ado...

Emmy Preview, Part Trois

Now for those you watch the show for…at least that’s what the networks think. To the bat cave!

Outstanding Actress in a Comedy Series

America Ferrera for playing Betty Suarez on Ugly Betty
Felicity Huffman for playing Lynette Scavo on Desperate Housewives
Tina Fey for playing Liz Lemon on 30 Rock
Mary-Louise Parker for playing Nancy Botwin on Weeds
Julia Louis-Dreyfus for playing Christine Campbell on The New Adventures of Old Christine

I want Parker…so what?

Outstanding Actress in a Drama Series

Edie Falco for playing Carmela Soprano Soprano on The Sopranos
Kyra Sedgwick for playing Brenda Johnson on The Closer
Patricia Arquette for playing Allison DuBois in Medium
Polly Walker for playing Atia of the Julii on Rome
Mariska Hargitay for playing Olivia Benson on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Rome…delicious.

Outstanding Actor in a Comedy Series

Steve Carrell for playing Michael Scott on The Office
Alec Baldwin for playing Jack Donagy on 30 Rock
Tony Shaloub for playing Adrian Monk on Monk
Charlie Sheen for playing Charlie Harper on Two and a Half Men
Ricky Gervais for playing Andy Millman on Extras

Tough competition!

Outstanding Actor in a Drama Series

James Woods for playing Sebastian Stark on Shark
James Spader for playing Alan Shore on Boston Legal
James Gandolphini for playing Tony Soprano on The Sopranos
Denis Leary for playing Tommy Gavin on Rescue Me
Hugh Laurie for playing Gregory House in House

No, I did not try to squeeze as many Jameses in there as possible. It just happened.

Yep…no Heroes at all. Great writing. Not spectacular acting. No more Losties either. And the main characters of Grey’s Anatomy really can’t act. They just whine or speak monotone.

But really…what’s better than Woods bouncing around yelling at people??

Emmy Preview, Part Deux

No Arrested Development. No Malcom in the Middle. No Will & Grace. And frankly, last year's winner (Jeremy Piven from Entourage) doesn't really deserve to get the nod again. That means newbies.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series

Kevin Dillon for playing Johnny "Drama" Chase on Entourage
Stephen Merchant for playing Agent on Extras
Rainn Wilson for playing Dwight Schrute on The Office
Jack McBrayer for playing Kenneth Parcell on 30 Rock
Maz Jobrani for playing Gourishankar "Gary" Subramaniam on The Knights of Prosperity

For the record. Knights won't receive any nods at all, which is a shame because it was a great show. Too bad it didn't catch any sore of following. Props go to HBO and NBC for really keeping comedy alive on television. I think Dillon should really take this one home.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series

William Shatner for playing Denny Crane on Boston Legal
Gary Anthony Williams for playing Clarence Bell on Boston Legal
Michael Emerson for playing Ben Linus on Lost
James Pickens, Jr. for playing Dr. Richard Webber on Grey's Anatomy
Michael Imperioli for playing Christopher Moltisanti on The Sopranos

Let's go ABC! This one may be tough competition, but Emerson deserves it most for his portrayal of Lost's bad/good guy. This would be the only chance Williams would have for a nod before his character gets old. And with David E. Kelley's track record, he might not be around for too long.

Emmy Preview, Part Une

Bright and early on July 19, the 59th Primetime Emmy Award nominations will be announced...but why wait? Emmy typically gets it wrong and will not doubt get it wrong again. It should be actually pretty simple. Great acting is hard to find on most television these days. So, over the next few blogs, let's examine who should be nominated so when they do come out, we can sit back and laugh...or something like that.

Lady's first!

Three of last year's nods, including the winner, weren't on the air this past year, so new blood is in the water. Only one repeat nod should be on the horizon. Here's how it should breakdown:

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series

Elizabeth Perkins for playing Celia Hodes on Weeds
Perrey Reeves for playing Mrs. Ari on Entourage
Angela Kinsey for playing Angela Martin on The Office
Nicollette Sheridan for playing Edie Britt on Desperate Housewives
Jane Krakowski for playing Jenna Maroney on 30 Rock

The last one is iffy. I'm not sure there were five stellar supporting performances at all the past year. But the list has to be three. Hopefully Reeves will bring Entourage recognition besides Jeremy Piven (who frankly wasn't as good this past year). Sheridan came on strong this season when Marcia Cross took a break from the "comedy" Desperate Housewives. And Martin is amazing on The Office, but she will likely not receive the nod.

Now to those that make you cry...

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series

Chandra Wilson for playing Dr. Miranda Bailey on Grey's Anatomy
...
...
...
Kate Walsh for playing Dr. Addison F. Montgomery on Grey's Anatomy
Sarah Paulson for playing Harriet Hayes on Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
Julie Bowen for playing Denise Bauer-Chase on Boston Legal
Sonja Sohn for playing Shakima Greggs on The Wire

Yes, those spaces were intentional. Wilson is hands down the best actress on television, so she deserves to be set apart. Maybe Walsh's addition is just my crush, but you gotta admit she's good.

That's right. No Heroes. No Lost. Though the shows were great, no women stood out enough. Paulson likely won't get a nod because of how lowsy Studio 60 turned out to be to the critics, but her performance was the only one that was consistent and heartfelt, which may be why she stood out.

More to come...

New Rule: No Attendant’s in the Restroom

Seriously…what the hell? What is that guy doing hanging out in the restroom. First off, it’s freaky. Totally freaky. It’s like a babysitter to make sure I keep it in the urinal and wash my hands. But believe me, I know how to wash my hands. I can get my own soap. I can get my own paper towel. In fact, I know how to turn the faucet on and off. Yes, I’m over the age of 2.

Plus, they want a tip for this. Why? You made me uncomfortable and loaded on the awkwardness. You should be tipping me. Are you watching me? Did you get a peak? That’s definitely a single for me.

Does anyone enjoy this? Anybody clamoring for this? Anyone actually want to do this for a living? I bet that looks great on a resume:


New Age Grill – Restroom Attendant
2006-present

Assisted customers with their business; Committed to stellar customer service; Networked with a great diversity of clientele (mostly male)


I’ll allow this only if it’s a hot chick holding me while everything flows. Otherwise, get out! That’s a serious issues our government should be tackling.

What's Happening With Paris???

Can someone tell me what’s happening with Paris Hilton? I haven’t heard. You think at least one of the news stations would cover. But I’ve heard nothing. Not a peep. And I must know. I must! It’s clearly the most important thing going on in the world today. It’s so upsetting. Poor Paris.

To put things in perspective, for every minute of Paris coverage, this is what’s happening in the world:



1 abandoned cat is put to sleep
2 people die from lung cancer
11 new people are infected with HIV
17.36 people die in Darfur
24.7 people die from hunger
47 people fall below the poverty line
The national debt rises by $122,820

Live Blogging the Spelling Bee Finals

The finals are here!!!!!!!! This is gonna be a great night. I need some rum!

8:00 - I just realized that ABC is broadcasting in HD. How sweet is that. The Bee in HD!

8:02 - The kids just talked about how Peyton Manning wasn't flawless in the Super Bowl, but they have to be. Oh those sassy middle schoolers.

8:03 - First shot of Samir Patel, hiding his head in shame. That leaves Jonathan Horton as the favorite of the 15 remaining, with only six girls. But girls have won more of these than guys. Intense!

8:06 - Someone just gave bunny ears. Oh those crazy kids!

8:06 - Jonathan Horton steps up to the plate as the first speller of the night. The word being pitched is "girolle." A widely distributed edible mushroom that is rich yellow in color and has a pleasant apricotlike aroma.

8:08 - Jonathan just spent the past two minutes trying to pronounce it. "G-i-r-o-l." And he's out already?!?!? What? That's what's great about this bee. You never know what's going to happen next.

8:11 - The first backstory. Tia Thomas, one of the six girls left. This is her fourth national bee. And she needs some accutane.

8:13 - And now she's up. Good thing ABC got her some makeup. "Zacate." Forage of grassy plants; herbage. She's one of those that writes with her finger. These kids and their crazy kinks. The way this word is pronounced, it makes me want a Tecate. "Z-o-c-a-t-e." One girl down, five to go.

8:16 - Cody Wang, our first Canadian. Yep, don't really know why the Canadians are in the NATIONAL Spelling Bee, but maybe that's just me. "Apozem." And he missed it, spelling with "i" instead of "o". He also said "zed" for "z." Crazy, eh?

8:17 - Nate Gartke, Canadian number two. They better give him a hard word so he gets eliminated too. We can't let a Canadian win our bee. "Partitur." A full musical score showing each part on a separate staff. He got it. Oh, he happens to play the guitar and cello. Of course he knows it.

8:19 - Anqi Dong, the third Canadian. Yep, still bugs me. "Bouleuterion." An ancient Greek council chamber. We have another finger writer. I bet that works great on dates.

8:21 - Another Canadian bites the dust. Woo hoo!

8:22 - Our first commercial break. That was an intense start. More misses than hits. I wonder how long they will go. I also wonder what kind of company advertises on the bee. We've had Olive Garden, Cingular, Advil, Wal-Mart...no clever spelling-commercials yet. This is why the bee is different from the Super Bowl. One you watch for the commercials, one you watch for the drama.

8:25 - And we're back, with Stuart Scott doing the first post-misspell interview of the night. Aw, poor Jonathan is in tears. His favorite basketball player is Steve Nash. Too bad that's not the same of David Stern.



8:26 - Our first comedian of the night. Joseph Henares. Apparently he says "oh my God" after ever word is announced. "Punaise." A bedbug. He said he prefers "bedbug." Man, this kid is set for life. He'll be trying out for "Last Comic Standing" next week. And he got it, much to his surprise. He just became my new favorite to win.

8:28 - Mujer numero dos. Claire Zhang from Jupiter, Florida. "Urgrund." A primal cause or ultimate cosmic principle. Sounds German. Ah, she added a "t" to the end. She was so close. Another chica says adios.

8:31 - The second backstory. Kavya Shivashankar. Another girl. Um, equal opportunity please. Oh, but her cute little sister who wants to grow up to be in the bee just spelled my favorite word, "humuhumunukunukuapuaa." I'll be rooting for the little sister in a couple of years.

8:33 - Now our third girl gets her word. "Cilice." A shirt or undergarment made of rough animal hair worn next to the skin as a penance. This one's got some crazy pronunciation, so this could be difficult. "C-i-l-i-s." Another girl gone. They are dropping life flies. Six kids already eliminated. Intense!

8:36 - Commercial break number two. And while we step away, this live blogging was fueled by a number 6 at Wendy's. I was excited when they announced the 99-cent buffalo crispy chicken sandwich there. Then I had it. It's horrible. Really just bad. All they need to do was shrink their spicy chicken sandwich. Call in Wayne Szalinkski (spell that, punks!). But they didn't. Boo Wendy's.

8:40 - And we're back with Mike and Mike from ESPN. They look like they belong there like Richard Simmons looks like he belongs at Hooters (wait, they wear the same type of clothes...hmm...).

8:42 - Nithya Vijayakumar. If you can't tell, that's our fourth girl. "Pelorus." Etymology unknown. I love it when they stick them with one of those. And now she's the first person of this round to enter finish time. Drama. And she missed it. All the girls that have gone up have struck out this round. Can the last two keep the females alive??

8:45 - Connor Spencer. His word is German to Yiddish. Yikes, don't wanna know how that happened. "Helzel." And he conquers!



8:47 - Matt Evans with backstory number 3. This kid just spouted off "Hamlet." Not funny kid. I hope you study engineering. "To b-e-e or to not b-e-e. That is the question." Ugh. Let's hope he misses "genizah." No such luck....he advances.

8:49 - I just heard someone's cell phone go off in the spelling room. Show some class, people!

8:50 - Commercial break number 3. I really want to know how much 30 seconds of advertising time costs for this thing. It must be a bargain.

8:51 - An ad for the new "Fantastic Four" movie. Seriously, who is going to go see this? Well, probably someone sitting at home watching a spelling bee...but...um...I'm not going to go!

8:54 - Our first musical number from "The 25th Annual Putnam County Bee." Now we know the rules...54 minutes in. Don't you think that should have come sooner??

8:56 - The last girl steps up. Amy Chyao. Not to judge a book by its cover, but she looks capable. I'd bet she makes it. "Grognard." An old soldier. Oh, and she's a finger speller! She only does it when she's nervous. She knows all of...most of...some of...a few people of America are watching. And she takes bonus time. Don't let me down Chyao! And she does...only one girl can make it to the next round.

9:00 - Backstory number four. Guess what? It's a girl. Isabel Jacobson. Wow. Total slight to the guys left. And this chick has 25 bracelets on her arm as good luck charms. "Helodes." And she nails it. I bet it was the 25th bracelet that did it. Just 24 wouldn't have cut it.

9:02 - One girl left. And that's the end of this round. Seven remain.

9:03 - Commercial. I need a refill.

9:06 - Matt Evans was just called the favorite now by one of the commentators. Boo. Now the backstory on Evan O'Dorney. No more girls left to do. Now he's making some annoying sound. He's the youngest competitor at 13-years-old. Wow, I hope he loses soon. He loves math. He loves the numbers and the patterns. And he just admitted he doesn't like the spelling bee, that he just has to do it. Way to go mom and dad.

9:11 - And we start the next round. Evan O who sailed past "rascacio" in the last round gets "schuhplattler." The definition was a paragraph long. But he knew it.

9:12 - Nate the Canadian is back. Let's see if we can get rid of him with "abseil." He knew it was German. He must be on to us. They must teach German in Canada besides French 'cause he got it.

9:14 - Joseph the comedian is back. My favorite. He threw out the "oh my God." Didn't get the big laugh this time. He needs new material fast because he can't go out this round. "Triticale." He got it! Use that chair time to work on your routine.

9:16 - Commercial. Juicy Juice! Yeah, now we're talking.

9:21 - Connor Spencer just missed his word. Which brings us to Matt Evans. Please miss it. Miss it! He's sweating. And he missed it! Take that! Telling you, money is on Joseph the comedian.



9:25 - Prateek Kohli, facial hair and all, nails "randkluft."

9:26 - Isabel is up to keep the girls alive. "Epaulement." And she doesn't even flinch. Five make it to the next round. It's all about the bracelets, baby.

9:27 - After the commercial break we hear about the kids visit to the White House. You know the White House. Home to a great speller. Can anyone spell "nuclear?"

9:31 - Oh, they met Laura Bush. She made them spell government words. How cute! I bet they spent a long time thinking of that!

9:33 - Evan O up to start the next round. "Laquear." Bam! He's moving on.

9:34 - The Canadian's back. And they gave him a French word. "Rognon." He didn't waste anytime. Ridiculous. Maybe next round...give him some Armenian word. Bet he didn't study that!

9:38 - We get a visit from the "Mary Poppins" cast. Yeah, we all know there's a big word in that.

9:39 - Joseph the man's back (yep, he's the man now)! "Aniseikonia." A defect of binocular vision in which the two retinal images of the same object are of unequal size. If he nails this he really is the man. NOOOOOOO!!! He threw in some "c's". I don't want to watch anymore. This is like the Phoenix Suns going out of the NBA playoffs.

9:42 - Facial hair's turn. He gets a Polish word. "Oberek." And he can't handle the truth. So championship words will be used after this round no matter what happens with our sole lady.



9:43 - And speaking of, here she goes. Wow. If she nails this word, she's the man! "Cyanophycean." A blue-green alga. Use those bracelets, just like Wonder Woman. And it wasn't good enough. She's not the man.

9:46 - And then there were two. Evan O and the Canadian. If the moose wins this one, no more spelling bee for me. I'll dog it for years to come. I won't be able to bear it. I'm so good...championship words after the break.

9:48 - Another "Fantastic Four" commercial. I just puked a little in my mouth.

9:50 - Let's see if ABC can wrap this up in the 10 minutes left. Evan O looks like he's about to make out with his mom. Must be home-schooled.

9:51 - Evan O bats first. "Zoilus." And hits a homerun.

9:52 - The canuck "metaphorically picks the wings of the butterflies in his stomach when he's nervous." Get this kid in therapy stat! Perhaps after "vituline." Of, relating to, or like a calf or veal. Argh! He makes it.

9:55 - Commercial. This baby is going overtime.

9:56 - I have a sudden craving for gummy bears. Weird.

9:57 - Just grabbed a handful of gummy bears. Be prepared.

9:58 - Here we go Evan O! Yeah, put that on a t-shirt. "Pappardelle." He made that look easy. Championship word? "Oh please," says Evan O.

9:59 - Mountie..."videlicet." Too easy too. Come on!

10:00 - Another commercial. Wow. Milk it, ABC.

10:01 - Kelly Ripa in a commercial. The hottest thing on this channel in more than two hours!

10:04 - Time and temperature from Commerce Bank.

10:04 - Evan O, ready to kick "yosenabe" to the curb because he's a black belt. But even I could spell that one. Too easy.

10:05 - Eskimo must battle "coryza." He didn't take his time and....MISSES! (Another use of "zed"...crazy Canadians.)



10:06 - Evan O must nail this word to claim the prize and keep the Northerners down (or is it up?). "Serrefine." I hope he goes crazy when he spells this. He nails it and...nothing. Wow. Jump around a little bit kid.

10:07 - He's presented the trophy and can barely hold it up. Who cares! The Canadian got schooled. He back to across the border now before we sick Homeland Security on you. And even though Evan O doesn't like spelling bee, he likes it a little bit more now. Just a little bit. Way to protect the homeland. Hi-ya!

10:11 - And we're out. Wow...must we wait another year? They should start broadcasting regional play. Then really build up to this event. Now that would be sweet.

The Best Sports Day of the Year!!!

Some call it Super Bowl Sunday. Others like the Kentucky Derby. But they all pale in comparison to the National Spelling Bee!!!

Think about it. When else do some many home schooled kids get released in public? What other event sees players faint while they are in the heat of competition? Where else could you see the comedy stylings of Samir Patel?!?

Speaking of Patel, this heavyweight got knocked out early. But now he's challenging and trying to work his way back in. (Update: He was denied!!!!) Oh the drama! I'm so glad this event is now on network television. I heart you ABC!

It is also very confusing. It's the National Spelling Bee, but there are competitors from places like Canada and Jamaica. I guess it's spelling and not vocabulary that really matters.

247 Days to New Lost

Well, that's an estimate. That's taking into account 219 days left in 2007 (so, 212 days 'til Christmas!) and assuming a start date for Season 4 as the last Wednesday of January. That's the most likely date to start a 16 episode season that will ride into May.

Needless to say, that's a looooooooong ways away. So what to do in the meantime...

A) Watch the entire series over again. Yep, that may take awhile, but you have awhile. I felt the first three season were really building up to this past season finale. I think things should be viewed from scratched to see how the puzzle piece really fit together. And I know some people that have already started!

B) Start watching "Heroes." There are a lot of similarities between the two shows and enough differences to make them both watchable. Plus, you only have one season to catch up on with it and can start up with Season 2 in the fall. Less wait time, more fun!

C) Find a local bar and conduct "Lost" philosophy nights. Yeah, first start with your closest friends but advertise and see how many people you can get to come in and debate what's really going on on the island. Stupid you say? Seriously, when was the last time you engaged in such conversation. It's good for the brain. And the alcohol will help you think of a lot more theories.

D) Look up all the Dr. Shephards and Shepherds in your phone book. Dial them up. Then call them pussies. 'Cause that's what they are, apparently. Everyone with that name on television really does suck.

E) Read this blog. Cha-ching!

Why We May Be in for More Flashbacks

This would published today on EW.com in an interview with "Lost" producer Carlton Cuse.

EW: What are the chances that he'll return in one form or another?
Carlton Cuse: The irony of Lost is that a lot of characters work a lot more once they're dead. Charlie could exist in someone else's flashbacks. Look, the island is capable of conjuring up things from people's pasts. It is entirely possible that Charlie will appear in the show again. We've actually talked a lot about it, but to say more about that right now might blow the element of surprise.

He said flashbacks. Hmm...

Things You Need to Know About Lost, Part 4

1. If you shoot a man and think he’s dead, double check. It just takes two fingers to the neck to be sure. Or shoot about five times in the forehead. Take your pick. This is not just a rule for “Lost.” It’s any television show or film…or life…in case you’re planning on shooting anyone. You never know when they might pop back up and blow out your window with a grenade.

2. There’s something I’ve been noticing lately. I think Kate, Danielle and Alex look an awful lot alike. It’s not just the actresses, but the hair and the way they look covered in dirt. It’s almost like they are making the up to look similar. I wouldn’t be surprised if down the road we see a connection between these three.

3. I love Julie Bowen. I think she's so sexy. She makes Jack’s flashbacks (or forwards…or was the time on the island the flashback this go ‘round) bearable. Jack is annoying and whiny. Just like another Dr. Shepherd on ABC. But at least we get to see Julie Bowen in them. It’s like a double dose each week along with “Boston Legal.”

4. Why didn’t Ben talk up the fact that Juliet was no longer with the group? Here was the perfect chance for Ben to manipulate. He could have said, “I know you’d be here because Juliet told me. We captured Sayid, Bernard and Jin because Juliet told us your plan. You’ve been a sucker all along. And now she’s gone and killed Sawyer and is back with us.” It was the perfect setup. I would have thought Ben was that smart. However, I did believe him when he said Naomi is not who she said she was.

5. When did the purge take place? I get the feeling it could have happened right before Juliet got there. And the gasing may have caused women to die during pregnancy. That’s why the Dharma Initiative is still dropping supplies. They may have been thinking everything is okay. But now they might have thought there was trouble and sent Naomi. The picture of Desmond? That’s because Desmond is a part of the Dharma Initiative and the only one in isolation. So, he’d be immune to any sort of trouble on the island and could be trustworthy in Dharma’s eyes.

6. If the Dharma Initiative found out their operation was compromised, wouldn’t it make sense they would destroy the island? I think Ben was spot on there. Or Naomi is a part of a group that's infiltrated Dharma to steal it's secrets and what it's discovered. That's why they are the big threat Ben said is out there. Before this show ends, I bet the survivors and the Others join together to overcome some other force.

7. What to make of the flashfoward? I still have to think on that. Though I do believe Sawyer of Locke was the one dead in the coffin. They seem like the two people no one would come to a viewing.

8. There was one main reason why I thought Locke might really have been dead. His background story had been pretty much explained. There were no more mysteries about his past. After tonight's flashforward, I realized that most, if not all, of the character's backstories had pretty much been explained. So a flashfoward totally makes sense. So we have three seasons of "Lost" remaining. The first three have had flashbacks. Watch the next three have flashforwards, of what happens to these people after they got off the island. When you think about it, won't you wanna know what happens once they get off (because I assume the series finale will be them getting off). What a great way to show it! I think the writers might be on to something great.

Is Lost Racist?

Now, let’s think about this for a moment. The island is full of white people. And I can’t recall any black people among the Others either (I don’t use African-American because the Others are clearly not American so it wouldn’t fit.)

But what of the minorities on the Island:

Hurley – an overweight, lazy Latino who used to work at a fast food joint and got rich by playing the lottery

Sayid – the Middle Easterner who used to fight for the Republican Guard in Iraq and (still) tortures people

Jin and Sun – Koreans with ties to the Asian mob

Michael – a lowly construction worker who can’t keep his marriage together (and has been written out of the show)

Mr. Eko – an African druglord

Ana Lucia – a hot-tempered Latina police officer who murders a man

Here’s another tidbit. Yunjim Kim, who plays Sun, originally auditioned for the role of Kate. But was made the daughter of a Korean mob boss instead.

The shows creators – J. J. Abrams, Damon Lindelof and Jeffery Lieber – are all white. This is in stark contrast to another ABC show, Grey’s Anatomy, which has a great diverse cast, and also was created by an African-American woman.

Granted that all the characters on the island have their fallacies, it seems like the minorities draw on stereotypes and are more severe than other characters.

Still, there is one minority character that seems to be strong and pure, and that’s Rose. But Rose has disappeared this entire season. The writers and producers don’t view her as a priority. Perhaps she is just too good to be shown, which would be a shame.

But apparently she will return in the last two episodes of the season. Does that mean Rose is pregnant too? She, incidentally, is the only plane crash survivor never to have contact with the Others. Sounds like somebody is due. (Get it?)

Things You Need to Know About Lost, Part 3

Don’t let the show’s producers and writers throw you off from this week’s episode. You gotta think like them and look past the surface twist and turns.

Yes, it was clear to me that the woman on the bench was Jin's mom from pretty much the get go. What I didn't get (and I think most people didn't either) was that Jin's father was in on this con. I thank Hunter for posing this possibility. Then I thought about it more.

Jin pretty much disowned his father and told his wife that daddy was dead. Jin is raking in the dough while daddy is still fishing the waters. Daddy wants his cut. Solution? Con it out of them. (Remember how I’ve pointed how things keep coming back to cons??) And frankly, it seemed so obvious that the woman was Jin's mom that I don't think she is anymore. I think Jin's dad just got a woman to play this trick. (No pun intended.) I don't think Jin's mom was a prostitute and I believe she really is dead. But now these two can split $50,000 and Jin never would know. Sounds like a sweet deal to me.

Next, Kate really is pregnant. That's the main reason Juliet was planted there. I think Juliet just learned for the first time this week that Sun is pregnant. And how could they have known? I think the Others are only knowledgeable of pre-crash conditions. Why is that? That brings us to this week’s conclusion.

Finally, the producers have latched on to one of the popular "Lost" theories and is teasing the masses. The island is NOT purgatory. So what to make of this past episode's final scene? Simple. The Others staged a fake crash somewhere with no survivors as a way to keep search and rescuers from somehow coming across the island and spoiling their intentions.

This may also be the way they were able to find so much out about the survivors of the crash. Obviously names would be released when they were presumed dead, with certain vital information printed in obituaries and whatnot. With that basic info, more research could be done to dig deeper. Remember, the Naomi chick was looking for Desmond. He hasn't been known to be "dead" and came to the island as a live person, as did Juliet. These people are very much alive.

As is Patchy still. So my theory that Ms. Clugh is still alive is probably a safe bet too.

Oh, and the flare Hurley shot off isn’t what brought Patchy to the group. It was the satellite phone. Remember, Patchy is the communications guru on the island. He probably picked up the satellite phone’s signal and came running.

The Slap Heard 'Round Boystown

So Ari has a soul. Who’d have thought? We’ve seen him be protective of his daughter. We’ve seen him be protective of his wife. And, of course, we’ve seen him be protective of himself.

The last episode of Entourage (“Dog Day Afternoon”) saw Ari showing he cares about someone outside of his family: his assistant Lloyd. Honestly, it seemed out of care of the blood-sucking agent. Yes, he’s been protective of Vince in the past, but he still has tried to manipulate and control him. But this time, after manipulating and controlling Lloyd, he pulled a mulligan and saved his assistant. He never tried to save Vince. He often would never even acknowledge what he did or try to seek forgiveness. So why Lloyd and why now??

That said, it was great to see Lloyd have his day. And it’s pretty funny to see a guy bitch slap another guy. The writers have gone to great lengths to make Lloyd a likable character to contrast the bullying ways of Ari. It’s no surprise they gave him such a prominent role. But Jeremy Piven couldn’t perform so well without a foil.

Then we have Eric who couldn’t stand up to Vince. Again, I find this interesting because Season 1 culminated in Eric completely standing up to Vince and preparing to distance himself from his Hollywood pal. Eric has grown ever since, started to stand up to Ari and found himself a hot girl. So why can’t he stand up to Vince now? He’s gonna get what he deserves and I’m sure the fun is in Cabo not Napa.

And then we have Turtle stand up for his dog. Can you blame him? A girl mouthing off like would be so annoying too, even if she is that hot. I just feel bad for Drama. He didn’t do anything wrong, yet he gets screwed over…again. Now that Drama has a job, I wonder when Turtle will go out and give his own gig another shot. I’m sure there are plenty of other rappers trying to make it big in LA who could use some time on Big Boy’s show.

All in all, the episode was leaps and bounds ahead of the previous one. I hope this one sets the stage for more to come. I want Bob Ryan back! I’d rather see Vince make “I Wanna Be Sedated” over “Medeíllin,” but my guess it will be “Medeíllin” and that’s how Ari scores Vince back as a client. It looks like Vince would rather sleep with his agent than work with her.

Will Ferrell's Latest Film

Everyone thinks Will Ferrell's new hit is "Blades of Glory." Nope, he's got any even better flick now out. The best part is you don't even have to pay for it. You can check it out here on You Tube.

Contrary to what the description says, that is not Will Ferrell's daughter because he does not have one. It could be the daughter of Adam McKay, who used to write on Saturday Night Live and now writes and directs movies with Ferrell and is also Jeremy Piven's brother-in-law.

Here are some responses that were posted on EW.com. It shows how sad some people really are.

mE Mon, Apr 16, 2007 at 07:58 AM EST
If people think making a kid say nasty things is funny, then your pathetic. I have a sick feeling in my gut watching this. This is the worst kind of manipulation. This kids' mother is the worst kind of parent...the kind who pimp out their kids for whatever. Ferrill has stooped to an all-time low.

mom Mon, Apr 16, 2007 at 09:00 AM EST
I have a child around this age and the thought of him being taught to say this kind of crap just for laughs is disturbing. Of course if your into kid's with potty mouths, then I pity your children.
NOT FUNNY FOLKS!!

Not impressed Mon, Apr 16, 2007 at 09:45 AM EST
The way everyone is shrugging this off as no big deal tells me where you people are at. This kid is a human being, not some trained dog that does stupid tricks to give you a laugh. Ferrell has 2 kids. I doubt he'd ever allow them to do this kind of garbage.

Jason Whitlock's Voice of Reality

I enjoyed Jason Whitlock every now and then when he popped up on ESPN. That was just an occasional break from his day job as a columnist for the Kansas City Star. He's written a very thought provoking column about the whole Don Imus-Rutgers situation that went against the grain. I think it's very risky on his part and quite courageous.

Here are some highlights from what he wrote wrote in "Imus isn't the real bad guy:"

* "Thank you, Don Imus. You’ve given us (black people) an excuse to avoid our real problem. You’ve given Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson another opportunity to pretend that the old fight, which is now the safe and lucrative fight, is still the most important fight in our push for true economic and social equality."

* "Thank you, Don Imus. You extended Black History Month to April, and we can once again wallow in victimhood, protest like it’s 1965 and delude ourselves into believing that fixing your hatred is more necessary than eradicating our self-hatred."

* "While we’re fixated on a bad joke cracked by an irrelevant, bad shock jock, I’m sure at least one of the marvelous young women on the Rutgers basketball team is somewhere snapping her fingers to the beat of 50 Cent’s or Snoop Dogg’s or Young Jeezy’s latest ode glorifying nappy-headed pimps and hos."

* "I ain’t saying Jesse, Al and Vivian are gold-diggas, but they don’t have the heart to mount a legitimate campaign against the real black-folk killas. It is us. At this time, we are our own worst enemies. We have allowed our youths to buy into a culture (hip hop) that has been perverted, corrupted and overtaken by prison culture. The music, attitude and behavior expressed in this culture is anti-black, anti-education, demeaning, self-destructive, pro-drug dealing and violent."

* "It’s embarrassing. Dave Chappelle was offered $50 million to make racially insensitive jokes about black and white people on TV. He was hailed as a genius. Black comedians routinely crack jokes about white and black people, and we all laugh out loud."

* "I watched the Rutgers news conference and was ashamed.

Martin Luther King Jr. spoke for eight minutes in 1963 at the March on Washington. At the time, black people could be lynched and denied fundamental rights with little thought. With the comments of a talk-show host most of her players had never heard of before last week serving as her excuse, Vivian Stringer rambled on for 30 minutes about the amazing season her team had."

* "But an hourlong press conference over a man who has already apologized, already been suspended and is already insignificant is just plain intellectually dishonest. This is opportunism. This is a distraction."

* "In the grand scheme, Don Imus is no threat to us in general and no threat to black women in particular. If his words are so powerful and so destructive and must be rebuked so forcefully, then what should we do about the idiot rappers on BET, MTV and every black-owned radio station in the country who use words much more powerful and much more destructive?"

* "We all know where the real battleground is. We know that the gangsta rappers and their followers in the athletic world have far bigger platforms to negatively define us than some old white man with a bad radio show. There’s no money and lots of danger in that battle, so Jesse and Al are going to sit it out."

For the full story, check it out here.

Things You Need to Know About Lost, Part 2

Guess what? Kate's pregnant. Yeah, I'm pretty sure she is. That's why Juliet is hanging out with her. Juliet and her fertility ways. Remember, she's a mole.

Think about it. That's why they had Kate and Sawyer locked up together. The Others wanted them to get it on. And hopefully make a new one. The Others love babies for some yet unknown reason.

Maybe Rose will be pregnant soon too. Who knows? In fact, who knows where Rose is? That's right...nobody.

If You're Gonna Point Fingers, Point Them In All Cases

He shouldn't have said it. No doubt about that. But he's not the only one saying it. That's injustice on top of injustice.

"Hoooooooooe (Hoe)
Youza Hooooooe (Hoe)
Youza Hooooooe (Hoe)
I said that youza Hoooooe (Hoe)

You doin hoe activities
With hoe tendencies.
Hoes are your friends,
Hoes are your enemies.
With hoe energy to do whacha do
Blew whacha blew
Screw whacha screw."

- Ludacris


"If you really wanna find
Someone to get some behind,
I ain't the one for you.
If you really wanna know,
Boy you need a silly hoe
To do whatever you wanna do."

- TLC


"Go ahead and look, yeah I know he's fine.
Try to run up, but he's already mine.
When he looks at you, he laughs in your face.
Silly hoes, you should know you can never take my place.
Go ahead and flaunt, and drop it like it's hot.
No matter what you do, he'll forget me not.
Don't try to be sneaky and keep it on the low.
You should already know, to him you're just another hoe."

- Amanda Perez


"I got old school bitches and new school hoes
Female basketball players with cornrows.
And I like short-haired girls. No, not really.
If I do she got to look like the old Halle Berry,
Or the broke Toni Braxton or first Lil Kim.
But I still take hood rats and work with them."

- Lil’ Wayne


"That's some nappy headed hoes there, I'm going to tell you that."

- Don Imus

Things You Need to Know About Lost, Part 1

It's Tuesday...or prep day before the "Lost" day of the week. With all the shennanigans that goes on amidst the jungles of that crazy island(s), here are some things to keep in mind:

1) Locke didn't blow up the sub. He moved it. That's why he was soaking wet.

2) Nikki and Paulo are dead. They're not coming back. The producers know how much the viewing audience hated their presence. So you never have to see them again.

3) Juliet is a mole. Don't for a second think she's sincere. She may be worse than Ben.

4) The magical box that Ben told Locke about where Locke then saw his father is Room 101. If you don't know what that means, brush up on your Orwell. There's a lot of Orwell in the island.

5) If you are wondering where Sawyer learned his conning ways, he got it all from Locke's father. They're both from Tallahasee.

6) The timeline of the show currently is a few weeks before the tsunami disaster in the South Pacific a few years back. The island is supposedly in the region of the globe (unless it moves). The producers have shown they try to keep up with other events in the world (remember Ben showing Jack the Red Sox won the World Series?). So a tidal wave may be a-coming soon (maybe season final???).

7) I'm still bothered by Eko's last episode. Was he evil along and just conning everyone around? Did he relapse? I just don't get it.

8) Those on the island that have committed some kind of con, past or present:
A) Sawyer - duh
B) Kate - how many different name does she have?
C) Hurley - way to take control of Sawyer
D) Sun - the whole learning Engish thing
E) Sayid - pretending not to be Iraqi at that restaurant
F) Eko - or should that be Father Eko?
G) Ana Lucia - the whole playing "Sarah" the bodyguard thing
H) Michael - took Jack, Sawyer, Kate and Hurley to the Others
I) The Others - it's like the island was full of con men and women already

9) Those who have appeared on the show (and maybe on the island) that have committed some kind of con:
A) Locke's father - total d-bag
B) Jack and Claire's father - does he have any other babies?

10) So are there more cons on the way? Is the whole show a con? Well, in a way it is. It's not reality. So television programming is a form of a con. Even reality TV is a con. Yeah...deep!