New Rule: No Attendant’s in the Restroom

Seriously…what the hell? What is that guy doing hanging out in the restroom. First off, it’s freaky. Totally freaky. It’s like a babysitter to make sure I keep it in the urinal and wash my hands. But believe me, I know how to wash my hands. I can get my own soap. I can get my own paper towel. In fact, I know how to turn the faucet on and off. Yes, I’m over the age of 2.

Plus, they want a tip for this. Why? You made me uncomfortable and loaded on the awkwardness. You should be tipping me. Are you watching me? Did you get a peak? That’s definitely a single for me.

Does anyone enjoy this? Anybody clamoring for this? Anyone actually want to do this for a living? I bet that looks great on a resume:


New Age Grill – Restroom Attendant
2006-present

Assisted customers with their business; Committed to stellar customer service; Networked with a great diversity of clientele (mostly male)


I’ll allow this only if it’s a hot chick holding me while everything flows. Otherwise, get out! That’s a serious issues our government should be tackling.

What's Happening With Paris???

Can someone tell me what’s happening with Paris Hilton? I haven’t heard. You think at least one of the news stations would cover. But I’ve heard nothing. Not a peep. And I must know. I must! It’s clearly the most important thing going on in the world today. It’s so upsetting. Poor Paris.

To put things in perspective, for every minute of Paris coverage, this is what’s happening in the world:



1 abandoned cat is put to sleep
2 people die from lung cancer
11 new people are infected with HIV
17.36 people die in Darfur
24.7 people die from hunger
47 people fall below the poverty line
The national debt rises by $122,820